In Reference To Pee
by JoyHeart
Summary: Set in the evening after the episode 'Pee', this explores what Cartman would do with all the knowledge he had gleaned that day. It also explores what Kyle would do with all the pee gleaned that day. Icky. Disgression advised.


**In Reference To 'Pee'**

Cartman looked rather shaky on the drive home from the water park. Perhaps that was to be expected. He'd just experienced a day where, to his complete shock and horror, he had been surrounded by more minorities then normal people. He'd also had the biggest scare of his life when he believed himself to be the last of his race left alive and although he was relieved to know this was not the case, he believed only three years were left to live before the world was destroyed as the Mayans predicted. The fat boy intended to live those three remaining years to their full potential.

Kyle sighed and looked rather annoyed on the drive home from the water park. Perhaps this was to be allowed. He had after all had to swim in and then drink pee, followed by having to eat a banana. It just hadn't been a fun day for him, and he stewed over this fact as he cringed at the smell of piss that clung to him.

These two boys would find their trains of thought and suppressed rage were bound to lead to interesting events later that night.

*

Later that night, Kyle was taking a shower. He'd been in there for nearly two hours, scrubbing again and again, rinsing his mouth out, swallowing too much water and then running out to the toilet to force himself to throw up since his parents refused to let him get his stomach pumped. They were having dinner with Stan's parents tonight and he was supposed to be taking care of his little brother. Ike was begging to be let in to use the bathroom.

"KYLE! LEMME IN LEMME IN I GOTTA GO!" he cried, crossing his legs and knocking on the door with all his might.

"HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH TODAY?" Kyle screamed, putting another huge glob of shampoo into his hair. Still the smell wasn't coming out to his growing concern.

"I GOTTA GO KYYYYLE!" Ike screamed back.

"Then, then go outside! Just… just bury it afterwards!" Kyle croaked, losing his voice from the screaming and stomach purging.

"EWW! KYLE THAT'S GROSS!"

"WELL I'M NOT COMING OUT!" Kyle managed to scream again somehow over the water.

"Asshole" Ike muttered, finally giving up. With a sigh, the little Canadian headed for the front door. Then he paused and a mischievous smile lit up his features. He ran up the stairs to his big brother's room.

When he opened the door to Kyle's room however, he discovered it was already occupied.

"Cartman?" Ike blinked as the fat boy glanced up and turned a little. His stream of yellow being sprayed at Kyle's dresser was now hitting the wall.

"What the- oh, Ike," Cartman raised an eyebrow. "I didn't think Kyle would be done yet," he observed Ike's crossed legs and asked, "What the hell are you doing up here?"

Ike shrugged. "What you're doing. Kyle won't let me go pee in the bathroom."

Cartman snorted. "Well pull up a wall space. I've got some Sunny Dee jugs too if you need to refuel"

"… 'kay" Ike shrugged and joined in.

*

Finally, 2 ½ hours from when he had begun, Kyle emerged from the bathroom looking shriveled and tired. He was, however, satisfied that he had at last removed the last traces of pee from his person. Then he went to his room.

He opened the door and was hit by another flood.

"Cowabunga dudes!" Ike said happily as he and Cartman rode the pee wave out of Kyle's bedroom door on surfboards. Cartman had brought surfboards because apparently surfing on a wave of pee was one of the things on his list of things to do before 2012. It was something to do with trying to survive the apocalypse. He was pretty sure the pee flood from earlier was going to end up happening, perhaps on a more global scale, and he was going to be prepared!

Kyle was so horrified, angry and sickened that he couldn't move nor speak. He just sat as the pee flowed out down the hall leaving him in a damp puddle, shaking with wide eyes and making his mouth open and close soundlessly. A minute later when at last his wits returned, he looked up to see Ike and Cartman staring down at him. Ike seemed concerned at least.

"Uh, are you okay Kyle?" the Canadian asked while biting his lip. Kyle coughed and twitched.

"Okay?" he rasped, "No, I'm not okay!"

"Hey, it's just pee dude," Cartman shrugged and then smirked. He knew perfectly well he had just completely tortured Kyle and he was reveling in it.

"Well I guess I should expect this from you fat ass!" Kyle growled, struggling to his feet and glaring down at his brother now, "But you Ike, what the HELL?!"

"You wouldn't let me in for even a minute Kyle!" Ike glared up at his brother.

"Well now I have to go back and wash for ANOTHER two hours and… oh my gosh. All my STUFF! You cover all my STUFF with… CARTMAN YOU ASSHOLE!" Kyle screamed and launched himself at the fat boy.

"AY! Geddoff!" Cartman yelled from the floor and tried to push Kyle away, but the Jew kept coming down with punches. Cartman was soon squealing and squirming like a pig in a slaughterhouse.

"NO! GODDAMN IT, THAT IS SO DISGUSTING!" Kyle roared. Cartman froze and looked at Kyle in a such a way that the Jew actually paused in his beating. Cartman's eyes slowly narrowed.

"Disgusting," he said softly.

"Yes," Kyle said indignantly.

Cartman replied in a deadpan, "This coming from the boy who waits by the toilet every year for a piece of poo to come out of the toilet, sing, and then kiss him on the cheek. This coming from the boy who in the early morning called all his friends to the bus stop to walk through the _sewer_ because he was worried about said piece of poo."

Kyle scowled a little half heartedly. "W-well… Mr. Hankey is special, magical…"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "You are such a hypocrite, let me up," he glared and Kyle frowned, but he did move backward.

"I'm not a hypocrite," Kyle mumbled. He crossed his arms and glanced at the pee laden floor. "I guess I haven't always been grossed out by pee, but somewhere along the way… I just can't take it now alright?" he shifted a little. "Plus my parents will be seriously mad when they find out their house is covered in piss."

"Oh my God!" Ike gasped, apparently not having grasped this fact until now. This was bad.

"Heh, not my problem Jew," Cartman shrugged and pulled out his list from his pocket to check off 'SURF ON PEE' from it.

"What is that?" Kyle asked irritated and grabbed the list from Cartman's pudgy fingers.

"AY! GIVE THAT BACK!" Cartman yelled as he reached for it, but Kyle held it at arm's length and held Cartman back with his body. He squinted at the paper.

"What the hell, a list of things to do before 2012? You know that's a load of bull right? Gullible bastard," Kyle shook his head. Ike was staring at the pee in growing horror of what his mother and father might do when they discovered it.

"GIVE IT BACK JEW!" Cartman yelled, waving his arm around Kyle's shoulder from behind "THAT'S CONFEDENTIAL!"

"Then don't pull it out in front of people ass wipe!" Kyle snapped and looked further down the list. "The hell… make Britney Spears your sex slave?"

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Well I'll admit some of them are fanciful, but if I can-"

"You're nine years old!"

"Well whatever!" Cartman growled, "Give it!"

"Make and eat the world's largest Cheesy Poof? Fat ass," Kyle muttered.

"KYLE QUIT IT!" Cartman screeched and lunged, this time managing to push Kyle aside and grab his list. "Have fun cleaning up my pee asshole!" he laughed and ran off down the hall. Kyle let out a frustrated sound before he and Ike entered his room to check the damage. The whole place was soaked and smelled horrible.

"IF YOU BREAK INTO MY HOUSE AGAIN YOU'RE FUCKING DEAD YOU GOT THAT?!" Kyle yelled at the ceiling. Then he turned to his little brother wearily "Look, urg, g-get some carpet cleaner. I'll start getting my bedding and stuff to put in the washing machine and then I'm going to shower again. Not to mention wash my mouth out twenty times."

*

Cartman sighed as he lay on his bed, staring at the list in his hands. He knew how lucky he was he'd written a bunch of stupid stuff at the top of the list, so Kyle hadn't gotten down that far. All the important stuff was still under wraps. Like, for example, 'KISS WENDY AGAIN', and 'TELL KENNY THAT HE'S STILL MY BEST FRIEND'.

And of course the major thing he didn't want Kyle to see yet, which he felt he could probably check off now.

'REPLACE THE JEW'S MOUTH WASH WITH BANANA FLAVOR AND PEE IN IT'.

With a smirk, the fat boy stowed his list away and prepared for a good night's sleep. He'd probably hear the scream of disgust from where he was lying.


End file.
